Today's jokes [9.22.13]
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Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who
makes all their decisions.
"Mom, I'm pregnant."
"How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?"
"That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took
measures and then went with the biggest."
The world's greatest hypnotist is on stage in front of hundreds
of people swinging a long chain with a watch on the end.
He's saying, "You're all in my power...you're all in my power.."
Fifteen hundred people are going, "Oooo..."
He starts to say it again, "You're all in my...", when he
accidentally drops the watch.
He says, "Shit."
It took them two weeks to dig everybody out.
Q: Why is a violist like a terrorist?
A: They both fuck up bowings.
This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells,
"Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat
on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my
front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and
I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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