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Today's jokes [9.18.13]

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Q: Why was the blonde looking in the refrigerator? 

A: Because The organe Juice said concentrate 

1. 




A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he
sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A
nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean
spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and
asked, "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. We had an efficiency expert here that
determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table.
By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented,
"Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string
hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. That
same efficiency expert determined that we spend 21.4% of our time
washing our hands after using the men's room. The other end of that
string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the
string to get my tool out of my pants, go, and then return to work.
Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands.
Saves a lot of time."

"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back
in your pants?" "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use
the spoon." 

2. 




Two prisoners were having a chat.
The first one said. "I've go two tickets for the warden's ball, Do you 
want to buy one?"
"No thanks, mate," said the second guy. "I can't dance."
"It's not a dance, mate," said the first prisoner. "It's a raffle!"

3. 




One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. 
The Blonde asked the clerk what it was.  The Clerk said it was a
thermous.  What does the thermous do?  It keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to
work one day and the blondes boss who also is a blonde said what
is that thing? It is a thermous the first blonde said.  What does
it do? Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. What do you have
in it? I have coffee and a popcycle in it.

Sent by Tom

4. 




Two buddies get together and decide to
go to a whorehouse, one of them tired of
doing it with his wife all the time, the
other not having it done for a long time.
 Anyways the married one goes up and
comes down and says " My wife is much
better".  "Allright" goes the other guy,
" Let me go try the same woman."
Well he goes and screws the whore,
comes than says to his buddy,  " You are
right man, Your wife is much better."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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