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Today's jokes [9.17.13]

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Santa comes once a year - but when he does he fills your stocking!


1. 




   Once upon a time, a woman complained to her doctor that she and her
   husband never had sex anymore. So the doctor gave her a bottle of
   pills and told her to put them in his drink and she would be
   'satisfied.'
   
   The woman, somewhat disbelievingly, put one pill in his coffee that
   evening. That night they made out.
   
   The next morning, she put two in his coffee, and that night they
   really got it on.
   
   The next day, she said, "What the hell," and put the entire bottle in.
   
   A few days later, the doctor called to check on her progress. The
   woman's son answered the phone. When the doctor asked how she was
   doing, the son replied, "Mom's dead; Sis is pregnant; my asshole
   hurts, and Dad is out naked on the front lawn yelling 'Here kitty,
   kitty.'"
   


2. 




What have a blonde and a computer got in common?

You don't realise how much you miss them until they go down on you!


Sent by Tiggsy


3. 




Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?
Because the little propellers cost extra!

4. 




Question: What is 1 + 2 ?

Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures,
you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government predictions.

Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for.

Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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