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Today's jokes [9.14.13]

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What has four asses?

Eight half assed politicians.

1. 




    Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old
   woman and a single 40-year-old man? A: The 40-year-old woman thinks
   often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.


2. 




Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?

It rips off your arm, then runs for help.

3. 




A middle aged rancher in pioneer days of old, had growen tired of working so hard
to build a beautiful ranch house and huge herd to go with it.  So he thought it
would be nice to get one of those mail order brides. Well he sent for one and
on the day she was arriving he hitched up his horse and buggy and headed for the
nearest train station.  After meeting his new bride, he loaded all her bags into
the wagon and then headed for thier honeymoon home. They had traveled only two
miles when the horse stumbled, and the rancher got out and whipped the horse to
its feet. He looked at the horse and said "THATS ONE" and got back in the wagon
smiled at the woman and continued on thier way.  They traveled only another two
miles when the horse stumbled again, and again the rancher got out of the wagon
to whip the horse to its feet, telling the horse "THATS TWO".  He took his seat
beside his new bride and continued on thier way.  After traveling another two
miles the horse stumbled for the third time.  The rancher got out of the wagon
carrying his rifle, he walk up to the horse and shot it right between the eyes,
saying"THATS THREE". He turn to the wagon only to hear his new bride say "why
in the hell did you do that for, now we have to walk".  The rancher turn to the
woman and said "THATS ONE".

4. 




The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset stomach, 
occasional cramps and an irresistible urge to fuck in the mud...

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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