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Today's jokes [9.12.13]

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Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a
light bulb?

A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a
light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT.
They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS
before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they
wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that
they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past
SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle,
actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that
they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the
STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND
UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER
THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?!
BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT
THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL
SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE
12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE
HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...
I'm sorry...what did you ask me?

1. 




What is the difference between a blonde and Dennis Rodman?



There is no difference.


2. 




Why did the blonde go half way to Sweden and then turn around and come 
home?

It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television. 

3. 




A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm when
one day he walks out behind the barn and sees his
grandfather playing with himself.
The boy says, "What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?"
Grandpa replies, "No sonny, just jacking!"

4. 




What language do the Vatican Police speak?

Pig Latin!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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