Today's jokes [8.5.13]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

How to Hunt Elephants -- QA Style

Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look
for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing
the jeep.

Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. 
She immediately called Saint Peter and said, 

"This is Sister Margaret. There's been a terrible mistake!" 

She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he'd get right on
it. The next day the nun didn't hear from Saint Peter so she called him 
again. "Please set this error straight before tomorrow," she begged. 

"There's an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone *must* attend!" 

"Of course, Sister," he said. "I'll get you out of there right away." 

Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning 
Saint Peter received another phone call from hell. He picked up 
the receiver with tribulations of his heart and started to listen.

He heard the following, "Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. Never mind!"

If the NSA made toasters...
Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the
NSA could access in case they needed to get at your toast
for reasons of national security.

A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street 
corner for 15 cents a glass.  He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the 
ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest 
and get stomach aches.  His eventual response:

   "Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give
you two dollars.  Everybody wins."

   A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife
   answers.
   
   " Hi, is Tony home?"
   
   " No, he went to the store."
   
   "Well, you mind if I wait?"
   
   " No, come in."
   
   They sit down and the friend says, "You know Nora, you have the
   greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I
   could just see one."
   
   Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a
   hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks
   her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
   
   They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful
   I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks
   if I could just see the both of them together."
   
   Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and
   gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred
   bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.
   
   A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your
   weird friend Chris came over. "
   
   Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the
   200 bucks he owes me?"
   

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   August '13 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31