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Today's jokes [8.30.13]

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A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right 
into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he 
picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying 
the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says "thank you for not 
disturbing my buttercups. For that I shall make sure that you always have 
a full supply of butter".

"Thank you," the golfer replied, "but where were you last week when I hit
the ball into the pussywillows?"



1. 




Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen 
   donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

2. 




What has a woman got in common with a box of Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Once you get past the tender breast and the juicy thigh, all you're left
with is a greasy box.

3. 




A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the 
problem?"
"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died leaving me $50,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!" 

4. 




Man to a woman: Do you know the difference between a blowjob 

and a cheeseburger is?

Woman: No

Man: Lets have lunch sometime...

Sent by jim

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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