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Today's jokes [8.3.13]

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A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend
had proposed but she had turned him down because she found
out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell.
"Marry him anyway, dear." the Mother said. "Between the two
of us, we'll show him just how *wrong* he is."

1. 




   I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was
   talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said,
   "Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is...   well...   my wife knows
   nothing of my wants and needs...   she's hardly ever in the mood for
   sex...   I guess what it comes down to is that my wife just doesn't
   understand me at all, does yours ?"
   
   I thought about it a minute or two, then said. "I don't think so
   George, as a matter of fact, I don't recall her ever even mentioning
   your name at all."


2. 




One day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As 
they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and 
turns around. He says "Hey Paco, you shit your pants?" Paco says "No, Pablo,
I did not shit my pants." He believes him and they keep riding. As they go 
on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Pablo 
stops his horse and turns around. He then says "Paco, Are you sure you did 
not shit your pants?"  Pablo says "Yes Pablo, I am sure I did not shit my 
pants." He says "Ok." They keep going and now the smell is getting to be 
unbearable. Pablo is swatting the flys away. Pablo stops his horse and gets
 of his horse. He then says "Paco, get of your horse. Paco, pull down your 
pants. Paco, I thought you said you did not shit your pants?" Paco replies 
"I thought you meant today!"

3. 




A homosexual walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a 
large knob of salami.
"Would you like it sliced, sir?" the shopkeeper asked politely.
"What do you think I am?" replied the fag, "...a money box!"

4. 




Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet 
young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. 
Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac.

After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* 
time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of 
cigarettes.

On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in 
front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he 
couldn't find "it".

After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said, "Look, 
it's ok. She's not here!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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