Today's jokes [8.29.13]
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Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?
A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough.
If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.
How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?
Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.
Q. Whats long, hard and full of semen??
A. A submarine.
Sent by sam
An elderly couple walk into a doctor's office. The man tells the
doctor, "Doctor, we want
to have a baby." The doctor replies,"At your age I don't think it's
possible, but I'll give
you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample." So the couple
comes back a few
days later.They give the doctor an empty jar. The doctor says,"I was
afraid of this." The
old man says,"No, it's not what you think. I tried it with my left
hand. I tried it with my
right hand. She tried it with her left hand. She tried it with her
right hand. She tried it with
her teeth in. She tried it with her teeth out. But we couldn't get the
lid off the jar."
A wish for Christmas
It is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the
mall in his big holiday setup.He has a line of kids lined up to sit on
his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line
dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and sits on santas
lap. Santa says to the little boy"I bet I know what you want for
christmas". "I bet
you want a puppy, P-U-P-P-Y"; touching the tip of the little boys nose
with his finger after every letter of the word. The little boy
So santa again says"Then I bet you want a bike,B-I-K-E"; as he again
touched the tip of the little boys nose with his finger. The little
boy again said"Nope".
Well santa's starting to get a little pissed off. So he thinks to
himself that he'll try one more time. So he says to the little boy"I
bet you want a fire engine,F-I-R-E-E-N-G-I-N-E"; once again touching
the tip of the little boys nose with his finger after every letter of
the word. Where to the little responds"Nope".
Well at this time santa's really pissed off. So he says to the little
boy "Then what the fuck do you want for christmas"?
The little boy then looked at santa and said"I want some pussy,
P-U-S-S-Y; and don't fucking tell me that you can't give me any
because I can smell it on your finger"!
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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