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Today's jokes [8.24.13]

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AMNESIA:

Condition that enables a woman who has gone through
labor to have sex again.



1. 




Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital),
 and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went
 well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was
 reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
 
 "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently
 patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to
 pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
 
 "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
 
 "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
 
 "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."
 
 "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned
 sternly.
 
 "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a
 humble spinster nun."
 
 "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - 
 they are married to God."
 
 "Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send 
 the bill to my brother-in-law."

2. 




George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard I

Never walk down the hall without a document in your
hands. People with documents in their hands look like
hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People
with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the
cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like
they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you
carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating
the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

3. 




Drive carefully. 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident.

4. 




How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull?

Marry her !

Sent by Bob

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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