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Today's jokes [8.15.13]

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A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a 
big car, the love of a beautiful woman ...then ... pow! ... it was all 
gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"Ahhhh ... my wife found out ..." 

1. 




A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a 
beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve 
beer.)  The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the 
jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!"  The German fellow felt 
pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, 
and begins to chuckle.

"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.

"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."

2. 




There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them 
is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the 
matter.

1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you
              know what 2 plus 2 is?
3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you               
Pat, do you know?
4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from
              Wednesday!



3. 




Two wives were airing their troubles:
"I'd like to get a divorce," said the first.
"My husband and I just don't get along."
"Why don't you sue him for incompatibility?"
asked the second.
"I would if I could catch him at it,"
replied the first. 

4. 




Here's a gross one:


What's the similarity between Michael Jackson and McDonalds?

They both stick their beef between 9 year old buns.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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