Today's jokes [8.15.13]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a
big car, the love of a beautiful woman ...then ... pow! ... it was all
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"Ahhhh ... my wife found out ..."
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a
beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve
beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the
jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt
pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look,
and begins to chuckle.
"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.
"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."
There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them
is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the
1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you
know what 2 plus 2 is?
3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you
Pat, do you know?
4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from
Two wives were airing their troubles:
"I'd like to get a divorce," said the first.
"My husband and I just don't get along."
"Why don't you sue him for incompatibility?"
asked the second.
"I would if I could catch him at it,"
replied the first.
Here's a gross one:
What's the similarity between Michael Jackson and McDonalds?
They both stick their beef between 9 year old buns.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31