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Today's jokes [7.8.13]

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The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were
shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man's
oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous
blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace,
the friend asked "How in the hell did YOU land a wife
like that?"
The old man whispered back, "Easy. I told her I was 90!"

1. 




A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. 
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells
his wife about the purchase he's just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he explains, "gold, silver and bronze."
"So what color are you gonna wear tonight?" she asks with a grin.
"Gold of course," says the proud man.
The wife responds, "Why don't you wear silver -- it would be nice
if you came second for a change!"

2. 




Life Insurance Agent:
Don't let me frighten you into a decision. Sleep on it tonight, and if you 
wake up in the morning, let me know what you think. 


3. 




This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the 
blonde said to her boyfriend,
"Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"

4. 




why did Santa Anna bring only 4000 troops to the Alamo?

he only had 2 cars.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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