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Today's jokes [7.3.13]

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"Hey, Pal", the irate druggist shouted, "Put that cigar out
while you are in my store!"
"I bought this cigar here!" claimed the Customer.
"Big Deal!", said the Druggist. "We sell condoms too."


The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said:
"Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult
you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that
I had mentioned you in my will."

"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and
then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd
like to make a little change..." 


Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were
greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got 
knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates 
chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.
Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick,
so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy.
The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate. "I've got some good
news and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone.
"Well, give me the good news first," replied the other.
"The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply.
"And the bad news?"
"Mine died"


Why do women get PMS?



   A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the
   mental abilities of
   their wives. The Canadian says, "You know my wife must be the most
   stupid woman in
   the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of
   meat, and we don't
   even have a freezer! The Scotsman says, "That's nothing! My wife went
   out last week
   and bought a brand new $30,000 car, and she can't even drive! Not to
   be out done, the
   Aussie says, "My wife is a lot dumber than that! Last week she left
   for a two week holiday
   in Paris and I saw her pack 20 condoms! Hell, she doesn't even have a


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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