Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [7.29.13]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


Q: Why do tampons have string?
A: So you can floss after eating.


1. 




An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumbles
into a Podiatrist's office instead and weaves over to the
receptionist.
Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination
bed and says, "Stick it through that curtain."
Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out his
penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtains.
"That's not a foot!" screams the nurse on duty.
"Holy shit, lady!" the drunk exclaims, "I never knew you had
a minimum!"

2. 




Father Goose Story No. 8



     There was this troupe of dancers that traveled around
the country dancing in clubs and theaters.  They were called
the Steppers.  At one club, the Steppers did such a good job
of pulling in patrons that the management gave them all the
drinks they could drink after the show.

     Well, they all got plastered and were having a big party.
When it came time to get on their bus to travel to the next town,
they did not want to stop partying, so they just moved the party
to the bus.  As they rode down the highway, you could here their
yelling, singing, and laughing for miles.

     At a house along that very highway, there lived a family that
had a pet snake.  It was a viper, and it's name was Peter.  That
night, Peter Viper was asleep in his snake house in the back yard.
Suddenly, he was awakened by a loud racket.  It was the bus
carrying the Steppers still having their party.  But Peter didn't
know that.  In his confusion, he thought he was back in deep dark
Africa being pursued by Pygmies.  He slithered out of his snake
house, headed across the yard as fast as he could, and crossed the
highway just in front of the bus.  The bus driver, who was a little
sleepy, saw Peter Viper in the road, and mistook him for a giant log.
He swerved, and the bus landed in the ditch, drunk Steppers
lying everywhere.

     The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper
wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers".



3. 




Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
"Well, Morrie, how's your warehouse business going?"
. "Oy vey, Abraham, it's not going so good, we had a flood last week."
"So, Morrie," whispers Abraham "How do you start a flood?". 

4. 




What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)?
 A leisure centre. 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 July '13 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
   1  2  3  4  5  6  
7  8  9  10 11 12 13 
14 15 16 17 18 19 20 
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 
28 29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.