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Today's jokes [7.25.13]

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AGE        DRINK
        17         Wine Coolers
        25         White wine
        35         Red wine
        48         Dom Perignon
        66         Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

1. 




   A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to
   his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
   
   Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to
   say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?


2. 




Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago.  He was only a
few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his 
plane ticket on top of his dresser.  

He turned around and headed back to the house.  He quietly
entered the door, walked into the kitchen.  He saw his wife 
washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.

She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out, 
and squeezed her left tit.

"Leave only one quart of milk," she said.  "Jon won't be here for 
breakfast tomorrow."

3. 




A man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move to.
He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said, "I'm moving here from the
city, what do you guys do around here?"
The men answered, "Go hunt'n, kill things, 'n screw".
He then asked, "What do you hunt and kill?"
The men replied, "Sumt'n ta screw."

4. 




A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and
registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed
water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was
very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a
penguin. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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