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Today's jokes [7.2.13]

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A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering,
finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem.
Can you help me?"
"Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proud
physician, "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that
does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history."
So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry
way.
A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the
street. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to
thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful! I've had sex
fourteen times in eight days!"
"Well, I'm glad to hear that" says the pleased physician, "What does
your wife think about it?"
"Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't even been home yet!"

1. 




   A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on
   the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the
   wife went on the ride by herself.
   
   The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out
   and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.
   
   "Are you hurt?" he asked.
   
   "Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't
   wave once!"
   


2. 




Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya 
know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft 
and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing
seems to scare them away. 

Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in 
the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." 

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the 
church... Haven't seen one back since!" 

3. 




You may have heard that a New Zealand man had a hand transplant.  
Guess what?  His penis rejected it!

4. 




Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day
complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly
dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards."
said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to
give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10
hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours.
He nearly died on us!" The second doctor said,
"That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to
give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried
to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly
exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from
down the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, 
"I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick
Mr. Smith's boil!" 


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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