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Today's jokes [7.18.13]

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The company sergent is briefing the recruits:

"For the next ten weeks the commanding officer will be your father,
and I will be your mother. Incidentally we are not married, so you
know what that makes you..."

1. 




Telegram received from ex-employee:

"Fuck you. I quit. Strong message to follow."


2. 




A truck driver breaks down and shortly another trucker stops to give
him hand. He notices that the first driver has a big red spot painted
on his dash and asks him what it's for. He replies "Oh that's a
conversation piece for when I pick up female hitchhikers. I get lots
of pussy that way" The other driver thinks that's a great idea so he
paints a red spot on his dash too. Then he sees a girl hitchhiking so
he picks her up. She notices the red spot on the dash and asks him
what it's for. He says "It's a conversation piece. You wanna fuck?"

3. 




A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of
goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The
collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't
ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call,
"Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

4. 




        one time in my undergrad days, it was snowing like mad
        out. someone decided it was time a make a snowball. then
        someone else suggested that we should put this snowball in
        this one guy's room-- nobody liked this guy-- so when the
        word got around, half the people in our dorm section came
        out and help! we got this sucker so BIG that it must be
        at least 4 feet in diameter. it took about 6 person to haul
        the darn thing up 3 flights of stairs. we got the snowball
        into this guy's room while he was out, turn off the heat in
        the room and left all the windows open, so the snowball
        won't melt too fast. well... the turkey came back 3 hours
        later and found a HUGH snowball sitting in the middle of his
        room, and started melting! I still have the picture of the
        snowball. (if you really wonder how big the snowball is,
        just imagine a snowball the size of a normal dinning room
        chair!)



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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