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Today's jokes [7.17.13]

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The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters "ILU" 
written on it. The teacher asks who left it. A little white girl raises 
her hand. Well sweetie, what does "ILU" mean? The little girl replies, "I 
love you."
The teacher says, "Isn't that sweet," and continues with class. The next 
day the teacher finds a banana on her desk with the letters "YAS" written 
on it. The teacher asks who left and what does it mean. A little white boy 
raises his hand and says, "It means, You are special." "Thank you 
sweetheart", the teacher says.
The following day, the teacher walks in to find a watermelon with the 
letters "FUCK" written on it. The enraged teacher asks who left it and if 
they know what that means. A little black girl raises her hand and 
cheerfully says, "Yes maam, I left it. It means, from us colored kids!". 



1. 




   A naive young girl goes into the doctor's office. She says, "Doc, I'm
   getting married and
   I'm a little inexperienced, so I'd like to ask you a few questions."
   He says, "All right."
   She says, "All right...what is that thing that hangs between my
   fiancÚ's legs?" The doctor
   says, "That's the penis. The male organ, the penis." She says, "Okay.
   And what is that
   big red knob at the end?" The doctor says, "That's the glans. The head
   of the penis, the
   glans." She says, "Okay. And what are those two round things, about
   twelve inches
   behind the head?" The doctor says, "Well, lady, I don't know about
   your fiancÚ, but on
   me, they're the cheeks of my ass."
   


2. 




The following statements were found on patient's charts
   during a recent review of medical records. These statements were
   written by various health care professionals including (we're afraid)
   a doctor or two at several major hospitals:
   "The lab test indicated abnormal lover function."
   "Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized."
   "The skin was moist and dry."
   "The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
   "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
   1989 when she got a divorce."
   "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane
   ran out of gas and crashed."
   "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
   therapy."
   "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle,
   who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." "Bleeding
   started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles."
   "Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation."
   "She is numb from her toes down."
   "Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot."
   "While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
   The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as
   stockbroker instead."
   "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
   "Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his
   family in no distress."


3. 




What's red and invisible? 

No tomatoes.

4. 




Why doesn't Hillary wear short dress?

Her balls would show.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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