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Today's jokes [7.15.13]

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The only good thing to ever come out of Oklahoma:

An empty greyhound.

1. 




Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three 
years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now. 
Daughter: I just don't know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it's just that 
I have a lot of trouble swallowing.

2. 




While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand
new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong
to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing,
waiting for the lights to change.

A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. I
had tennis elbow once."

3. 




A woman orders a chicken sandwhich and starts to choke.
People are running frantically, trying to figure out
what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner wisper
to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One
strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front
of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass.
Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food
from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two
homosexuals return to their food.

One turns to the other and says,
"Wow, that hind-lick manuever really works!" 

4. 




Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises
coming from his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and walked
down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to
the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom
light had gone on. Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and
saw his father removing a used condom.
"Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny.
His father looked around nervously wondering what he could tell
his son.
I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for mice."
replied his father.
Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of confusion and said,
"Well, what are you doing? Fucking them?" 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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