Today's jokes [6.29.13]

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What do you call a truckload of vibrators? 

    -Toys for Twats. 

In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go 
home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for 
making sex."
The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many 
positions did you come up with?"
Johnny says, "Seventy-three."
The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..."
She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about 
you?"
Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just 
lays on top of the girl."
Johnny yells, "Seventy-four." 

One neighbor says to the other, "Hey Joe, you have to stop leaving the 
blinds on your bedroom open, I saw you fucking your wife." Joe responds 
"The jokes on you, Stan, I was away on a business trip yesterday."

There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment.
One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store.
He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucket
please?"
The assistant asked"Pardon sir?".
"Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man. 
"Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied.
The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for his
bucket and went into the antique shop. 

In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked -
"Can I have a cock please?" 
The cashier looked very puzzled and asked "Pardon?". 
The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?" 
The cashier replied "Oh you mean a clock! - yes certainly sir." 
So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop. 

The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and
asked "Can I have a bum please?" 
The assistant said "Sorry sir what did you say?". 
So he repeated himself "Can I have a bum please?". 
The assistant said " Oh right, you mean a bun!". 
The old man said "Yes that's what I said in the first place."
So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop. 

As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to
him and asked "Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?"
The man replied "Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while
I get my cock out." 

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part 
of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's 
normal size, and state the conditions."
Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an 
inappropriate question and my parents are going to
hear of it when I get home!"
She sat down, red-faced.
"Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin.
"The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan.
"Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not 
studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you 
going to be disappointed someday!" 

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