Today's jokes [6.28.13]
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A blond at a party was telling her friend that
she was off men for life. "They lie, they cheat
and they're just no good. From now on when I want
sex, I'm going to use my vibrator"
"So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend
"I'll just fake an orgasm like always."
Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.
There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no
corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that
his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be
convicted, resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the
jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at
his watch. "Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case
will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the
courtroom door. The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A
minute passes. Nothing happens. Finally the lawyer says: 'Actually, I
made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with
anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable
doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you
return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retires
to deliberate. A very few minutes later, the jury returns and a
representative pronounces a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquires the
lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the
door." Answers the representative: "Oh, we did look. But your client
Two gay men were in bed fooling around when all of a
sudden the door bell rings. The first gay man tells
the second, "Don't cum until I come back", and he
rushes off to answer the door.
After a few minutes, he eagerly returns to the bedroom
only to find cum was all over the bed and sheets. He
says to the second gay man, "I thought you wasn't going
to cum until I came back. The second gay man says to the
first, "I didn't cum, ........I farted!
Sent by Ken "C"
When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse?
Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips!
"Miss Jones, we can't employ you as a model," the editor from the
men's magazine explained. "It's too obvious that your blonde hair
isn't natural, since the hair between your legs is black."
The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor's
"What the hell did you do that for!" he exploded. She smiled sweetly
and said, "Look at your fingers. They're turning black, right? And
they've only been banged once."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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