Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  

Today's jokes [6.23.13]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

What kind of Bees make honey?
                                  Honey Bees!
What kind of Bees make Milk?


An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life 
succinctly. "When it all boiled down to the essence of truth," the 
philosopher said, "one just live by a dogís rule of life: If you canít eat 
it or fuck it, piss on it!!!"


A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit 
a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.  While
standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this
whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.

Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It was
only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal
injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house
attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears
the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet
and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable
lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen,
sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good
tea kettle?"

The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're


Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book? 

A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing


It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
   zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
   sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in
   front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on
   the bars, holding on w/one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding
   his chest w/the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady
   in the sheer dress.
   The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the
   poor fellow. He tells her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and
   flirt w/the ape.
   She does and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that
   would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her
   straps fall; she does, and the gorilla is so excited, he's just about
   to tear the bars down.
   The husband then suggests that the wife lift her dress up above the
   thighs... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
   Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
   door to the cage, slings her in w/the gorilla and says, "Now, tell him
   you have a headache."


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 June '13 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
2  3  4  5  6  7  8  
9  10 11 12 13 14 15 
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 
23 24 25 26 27 28 29 

Jump to  

For any questions or comments email us at
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.