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Today's jokes [6.2.13]

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What did the lawyer name his daughter? 

Sue.



1. 




This guy runs home and bursts in yelling, "Pack your bags honey, I
   just won the lottery!"
   She says, "Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the
   mountains?"
   He replies, "I don't care...Just get the f**k out!"


2. 




How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight?
He enters a duck.
How can you tell if a Pole is present? 
He bets money on the duck.
How can you tell if an Italian is present?
The duck wins. 

3. 




Q. What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?

A. They both have balls just for decoration.

4. 




A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle 
range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills 
behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go 
and shoot myself."
The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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