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Today's jokes [6.19.13]

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Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the 
outside?
A: K9P.

1. 




A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day 
of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and 
a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to 
sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate." the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give 
me the broom, I'll show you how."

2. 




On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing
   out some of the rules:
   "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
   the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
   this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
   He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will
   be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180.
   Are there any questions?"
   At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a
   season pass?"


3. 




   After insulting the female genie from the magic bottle, Carlos makes
   his wish:
   "To wake up with 3 women in my bed."
   
   She says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle.
   
   The next morning, Carlos wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding
   and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken and he has
   no health insurance.
   


4. 




A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill
in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass
said, "A penny for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, but
he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if
ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss." So she did so. But he again
lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass
to ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?" To which the lad replied: 

"Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!" 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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