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Today's jokes [6.16.13]

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Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English.  One 
office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news 
that she was being fired.  He started the conversation with: 
"Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along 
without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try.

1. 




Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished a jigsaw puzzle
   in only a couple of months?
A: Because on the box it said "from 2-4 years."


2. 




A nun is walking down a deserted road when a man grabs her and starts 
raping her. After the rapist is done, he says, "Hey Sister, what are you 
going to tell the other Sisters now?"
"I'll tell them the truth, that you grabbed me, threw me to the ground, 
and raped me twice....unless you're tired." she responded. 

3. 




How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?

When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you
.up the arse with her clitoris.


4. 




Job Applicant:  "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer:  "I'm sorry, we already have enough cosultants."
Applicant:   "That's ok, with my experience, I can be an 
advisor."
Employer:  "More than we can use already."
Applicant:  As he is getting desperate, "I'm not proud, I can do
paperwork, I'll be a clerk,  If you have too many, I'll start as a 
janitor."
Employer:  "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for 
a person with your qualifications."
Applicant:  As he stands up and angrily yells, "work for you I'd 
have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"
Employer:  "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a 
seat, we may have an opening."



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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