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Today's jokes [6.13.13]

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When I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly)
some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier.  These two guys made
up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender,
and filled a hot water bottle with it.  One of them took the hot water
bottle, taped it to his stomach inside of his shirt and put a short
piece of hose into the top so that it came up to the front of his shirt
collar, but not visible.  They both went to a local pub and sat at the
bar, acting already slightly intoxicated.  After having a couple of beers
the guy with the hot water bottle says that he is feeling sick a couple
of times and "barfs" VERY loudly all over the bar to attract attention.
Naturally this causes the patrons to move away from him, all except his
buddy, who calmy pulls a fork out of his coat pocket and begins EATING
the stuff. ;-)  I don't know how true it is, but I'd love to have been
there watching faces if it was...


Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's
dreams every night??

A: Hansons.


"Dad," said the boy, "we had a spelling contest in school today, 
and I missed on the very first word." 

"That's too bad Son." consoled the Father, 
"What was the word ?" 



A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an extremely gorgeous woman. 
The first thing he notices about her though, are her pants. They were 
skin-tight, high-waisted and had no obvious mechanism (zipper, buttons or 
velcro) for opening them. 
After several minutes of puzzling over how she got the pants up over her 
hips, he finally worked up the nerve to ask her.
"Excuse me miss, but how do you get into your pants?" 
"Well," she replied, "you can start by buying me a drink."


How do you give a cowboy a hard-on?



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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