Today's stories [5.31.13]
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In Melbourne (Australia) one of the radio stations paid money, $100 to
$500, for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This morning's
one netted the proud owner $300.
As the lady said...I was due later that week for an appointment with the
gynecologist, when early one morning I received a call from his office
that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had only
just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45
already. The trip to his office usually took about thirty five minutes, so
I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do I'm sure, I like to take
a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time
I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs,
threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in
"that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I
was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some
clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the
waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in. Knowing the
procedure, as I'm sure you all do, I hopped up on the table, looked over
at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other
place a million miles away from here. I was a little surprised when he
said, "My... we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't
we?", but I didn't respond. The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of
relief and went home. The rest of the day went as normal, some shopping,
cleaning, the evening meal, etc. At 8:30 that evening my 18 year old
daughter was fixing to go to a school dance, when she called down from the
bathroom, "Mom - where's my washcloth?" I called back for her to get
another from the cabinet. She called back, "No - I need the one that was
here by the sink - It had all my glitter and sparkles in it".
WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) -- Earlier this week, the National Institute of
Mental Health released the results of their research into the sudden
increase of primary-school shootings. NIMH researcher Eli Zleicherugg
blames it all on a set of common childhood songs. "The worst is 'Hi ho,
hi ho, it's off to school we go, with razor blades and hand grenades,'"
Zleicherugg said at a press conference Wednesday. "Not only does it lend
an almost picnic tone to the concept of school violence, but at a deeper
psychological level, it bonds the idea of mass destruction to Walt
Disney's 'Snow White.'" Zleicherugg claims the problem is nationwide.
"You can go into any sixth grade in the country, start singing 'Mine eyes
have seen the glory of the burning of the school,' and watch the little
yardapes twitch. I'm not saying that these kids are primed to explode,"
he added. "But if I were a teacher, I wouldn't delay in getting that
In a related story, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is
investigating allegations that a rise in animal abuse is directly related
to the "Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts" song.
MOST HORRIBLE DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is
Khoona. It is drunk by Afghan tribesmen on their wedding night and
consists of a small amount of still-warm 'very recently attained' bull
semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
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