Today's jokes [5.6.13]
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A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a
relaxing dinner with his wife, they retire to bed. So, both go to
their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.
The man calls over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On
the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.
The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little
honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two have passionate
sex and afterwards the woman rolls out. As she returns to her bed, she
once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and
says, "clumsy bitch".
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts...
In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no
So I decided I needed a passionate girl..
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional..
Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I
needed a girl with some stability..
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited
about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement..
I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed
from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was
So I decided to find a girl with some ambition..
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so
ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned..
Now all I want is a girl with big breasts..
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand
was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate
New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a
burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.
"He looks like he cantake care of any situation," thought the manager,
and decided, there and then,to hire him. He turned to the first
applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry
yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier.
However,you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the
place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said,
"Where did you get your financial education?"
"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."
"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"
"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"
Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."
It's so easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it.
This fellow was screwing his best friend's wife when he suddenly stopped
and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. "What the
hell is your problem?" the lady asked. "I feel like a regular son of a
bitch, getting my best friends pussy," the man moaned. The lady reached
over and patted him on the back. "Well, if that's all it is, you can stop
worrying," she said. "You're not getting his pussy. His pussy is five to
six inches deeper."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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