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Today's jokes [5.5.13]

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Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and 
slapped each others back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed 
their old friendship.
"Let's have a drink like we did in the old days," the first Scot
winked at his mate.
"Aye," his mate replied. "And don't forget it's your shout."


Can you pass the Baby Boomer Quiz? 

 1.  Name the Beatles, first and last names.

 2.  Finish this line: "Lions, and tigers, and bears ..." (2 words)

 3.  "Hey kids, what time is it?" (4 words)

 4.  What do M&Ms do?

 5.  What helps build strong bodies 12 ways?

 6.  Before he was Mohammed Ali, before he was The Greatest, we knew 
     him as ... (2 words)
 7.  "You'll wonder where the yellow went, ..." (7 words)

 8.  Before he was the Skipper's little buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's 
     best friend, ... (First and last names, and middle initial)

 9.  "M-I-C See ya real soon. K-E-Y ..." (5 words)

10.  A 'streaker' is someone who might run across campus wearing what?

11.  "Brylcream: ..." (6 words)

12.  Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone .... (2 words)

13.  "I wonder, wonder, wonder, wonder who ..." (6 words)

14.  "War, uh-huh, huh, yeah, what is it good for? ..." (2 words)

15.  Where have all the flowers gone?

16.  Superman, "disguised as Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for a 
     great metropolitan newspaper, fights a never ending battle for 
     truth, justice, and ..." (3 words)

17.  Who came from the University of Alabama to become one of the 
     greatest QB's in NFL history and appeared in a TV commercial 
     wearing women's pantyhose?  Extra credit if you know his nickname!

18.  "I'm Popeye the sailor man! I'm Popeye the sailor man! I'm strong 
     to the finish ..." (5 words)

19.  Who played Peter Pan before all these other imitators?

20.  In "The Graduate," Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) was advised 
     about his future and told to consider one thing.  What?

21.  In 1962, a dejected politician, having lost a race for governor, 
     announced his retirement and chastised the press saying, "Just 
     think, you don't have ... to kick around any more." (2 words) 
     And he lied!

22.  "Every morning at the mine you could see him arrive.  He stood 
     six feet six, weighed 245 pounds, kinda broad at the shoulder 
     and narrow at the hip, and everybody knew you didn't give no 
     lip to ..." (2 words)

23.  Where did Fats Domino find his thrill? (3 words)

24.  "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, ..." (3 words)

25.  "Good night, Chet. ..." (3 words)

26.  "Liar, liar, ..." (3 words) And it's not a Jim Carrey movie!

27.  "When it's least expected, you're elected.  You're the star 
     today!  Smile!  ..." (4 words)

 1.  John Lennon, Paul McCartney (Sir), George Harrison, Ringo Starr 
     (Richard Starkey)
 2.  Oh, my!
 3.  It's Howdy Doody Time!
 4.  melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
 5.  Wonder bread
 6.  Casius Clay
 7.  "when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent"
 8.  Maynard G. Crebbs
 9.  "... why, because we like you."
10.  nothing but a smile!
11.  "a little dab will do ya."
12.  over 30!
13.  "...who wrote the book of love"
14.  "absolutely nothing!"
15.  "long time passing"
16.  "the American way"
17.  "Joe Nameth", aka "Broadway Joe", aka "Joe Willie".
18.  "...'cause I eats me spinach."
19.  Mary Martin.
20.  "Plastic"
21.  Dick Nixon.
22.  "Big John"
23.  on blueberry hill.
24.  "...wherever you are."
25.  "Good night, David."
26.  "...pants on fire."
27.  "You're on Candid Camera."


How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?

The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.


Judi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.

Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!

Judi: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Judi: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.


What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers?



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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