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Today's jokes [5.31.13]

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Q. What do elephants use for tampoons ?
A. Sheep.


1. 




Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, "I wish I had chest 
hair like you" So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for 
something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says 
"It will work in about two months." Two months later Bob has no hair on 
his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says, 'Rub some 
Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair.' Jon comes 
home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks "Why?" Bob says "to grow 
chest hair" Jon says if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail 
comin' out your ass!"

2. 




In a Texas bar,The bartender Fred was fed up with penis boasting from the
regulars.So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them "whip 'em
out".Fred pulls a yard stick from under the bar,at the same time a gay guy
walks into the bar.Fred ask the man if there is something that he can get for
him.The gay  guy replies "i was going to get a beer,but i'll check your buffett
first"

3. 




   I can't help but wonder sometimes though why lovemaking is almost
   always referred to in theatrical terms. For example, surely you've
   heard men refer to their "performance". Well, even these days I don't
   have a lot of trouble with that.
   
   But... since I'm now past fifty, the "encores" are getting tuffer and
   tuffer.


4. 




The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day 
someone asked him how things had gone. "She uses too many four-letter 
words for me," was the reply. "Really?" "Yes," answered the playboy. "All
evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and "quit that." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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