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Today's jokes [5.30.13]

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   In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or
   legs called Philip. Johnny knocks at the door of Philip's house and
   asks if Philip can come out to play soldiers.
   "Johnny, you know full well that Philip hasn't got any arms or legs"
   says his mother.
   "Yeah, I know that," says Johnny - "I was going to use him as a


The new FDA milk labeling rules are so strict, it's now illegal to print a 
picture of a missing fat kid on a carton of skim milk.


What do people do for fun on Halloween? 

They monsterbate


One day there were these three boys walking down 
the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: 'HELP! HELP!'
 When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill 
Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved 
him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first 
boy how he could ever repay him. The boy said, 
'I want a boat.'
The second boy said 'I want a truck.' 
And the third boy said, 'I want three tombstones with are
names all on them.'  Bill Clinton said, 'why is that son?' 
The little boy said, 'because when my Dad finds out that we
saved you, he is going to kill us all!'


This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom
please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, 
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."


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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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