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Today's jokes [5.28.13]

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This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look 
on his face.  "Doc," he says, "I'm worried.  It's that dream.  I'm 
having it again."

"What dream?" asked the shrink, not really paying attention.

"You know," says the man, "the one where I'm into sadism and 
bestiality and necrophilia.  Should I be worried or am I just 
beating a dead horse?"

1. 




"Do you have any batteries?" a woman asks the hardware store clerk.
   "Yes, m'am." The clerk gestures with his finger. "Can you come this
   way?"
   "If I could come that way," the woman says, "I wouldn't need the
   batteries."


2. 




What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm. 


3. 




If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than
any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least
for a couple of years.

4. 




    Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls
   make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit
   card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
   Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good
   girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could
   do it better. Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a
   strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a
   strand of pearls. Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear
   high heels to bed. Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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