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Today's jokes [5.27.13]

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This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She
asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards -- something
unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day -- "Happy
Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry."

The blonde replied, "How cool! I'll take the whole box!"

1. 




Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said "Please give me a
prescription for the Pill."
"I don't think you need the Pill at your age."
"It relaxes me."
"But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for
relaxing," exclaimed the physician.
"I know," said Mrs Ogden, "but my daughter dates, and every
morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel
more relaxed. 

2. 




A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook
saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he
cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and
ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up the
cooking..." "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."

3. 




Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House
Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a
car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and
whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands
of yards away. They all fall into a daze. 

When they come to and extract themselves from the
vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. 

They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The
Wizard is known for granting people their wishes. 

Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." 
Gingrich responds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." 
Clinton speaks up, "Where's Dorothy?" 

4. 




Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
They taste funny.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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