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Today's jokes [5.21.13]

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   A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road
   strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a
   cloud of feathers.
   
   Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A
   farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed
   your rooster, please allow me to replace him."
   
   "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."
   


1. 




Attorney to witness: "What was the first thing your husband 
said to you when he woke up that morning?"

Witness: "Where am I Cathy?"

Attorney: "And why did that upset you?"

Witness: "Because my name is Susan."

2. 




An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly
kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it.
It was far out of reach.

A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak.
"Oh, thank you!" said the elephant.
"My, pleasure ma'am." said the sparrow.
"Listen, Mr. Sparrow, if there's anything I can ever do for you, don't
hesitate to ask."

The sparrow said, "Well, all my life I wondered how it would feel to fuck
an elephant."
"Be my guest!", said the elephant.

So the sparrow flew behind the elephant and started fucking. In the trees
above, a monkey in the tree saw this and became very excited. He started 
to masturbate, shaking a coconut loose and it fell from the tree, hitting 
the elephant on the head.
"OUCH!", said the elephant.

Then sparrow looked over from behind and said, "Am I hurting you, dear?"

3. 




"I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf."
"Bullshit, watch this...Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll get
the shovel and clean it up!"

4. 




Four Mexicans were in an open truck that had run into the lake.The two
in the front seat escaped unharmed, but the two in the back bed drowned -
they couldn't get the tailgate open!


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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