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Today's jokes [5.20.13]

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   A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market
   looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster,
   one that could service all of his many hens.
   
   He told this to the market vendor. The vendor replied, "I have just
   the rooster for you". Dom here is the horniest rooster you will ever
   see!"
   
   So the farmer took Dom back to the farm. Before setting him loose in
   the henhouse though, he gave Dom a little pep talk.
   
   "Dom", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff."
   
   And without a word Dom strutted into the henhouse. Dom was as fast as
   he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much
   squawking and many feathers flying, till Dom had finished having his
   way with each hen.
   
   But Dom didn't stop there. He went in to the barn and mounted all the
   horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to
   the pighouse, where he did the same.
   
   The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop,
   Dom,you'll kill yourself."
   
   But Dom continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
   Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Dom lying there
   on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and
   his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Dom.
   
   The farmer walked up to Dom saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you
   did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you my little buddy."
   
   "Shhhhh," Dom whispered. "The buzzard's getting closer."
   


1. 




The Makers of Viagra are announcing that they have
developed a pill to increase lubrication in females. 

The pill will be called Niagra. 


2. 




An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was
being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand
Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french
fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly
sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a
glass of water, but then came the time when he returned
empty-handed.
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?"
demanded the Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the
wretched Abdul, "white man sit on well."

3. 




A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yards
right down the middle. 

When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler and
the ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry,
but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2
iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight at
him. 

It hit him in the temple and killed him.

He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked at
the big book and said, "I see you were a golfer, is
that correct?"

"Yes, I am," he replied.

St Peter then said, "Do you hit the ball a long way?"

The golfer replied,
"You bet. After all, I got here in 2, didn't I?"

4. 




Some professions

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl 
enters the room.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked 
children.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you 
the time.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that 
you will look forward to the trip.



5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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