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Today's jokes [5.2.13]

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Did you hear about the guy who got his vasectomy done at Sears?

    -Every time he gets a hard-on, the garage door goes up.


The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor 
asked him the standard questions -- age, height, weight, and then he asked 
when was the last time the general had sex.
'Oh,' he mused, 'It was 1945.'
'Isn't that a long time to go without sex?' the doctor asked.
'I don't think so. According to your clock it's only 21:13.'  


Q. What do you get when you cross a crooked
   politician with a dishonest lawyer? 

A. Chelsea 


A lady swallowed a super Gillette razor blade and her doctor discovered 
that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy and a 
hysterectomy, but she had also castrated her husband, circumcised her 
lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, and given a vicar a 
hair lip.

And, there were still 5 shaves left!


Examination to Qualify for Entrance to


                                    (basketball players only)

                                        Time Limit: 3 weeks


1.      What language is spoken in France?

2.      Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular
        reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions
        -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3.      Would you ask William Shakespeare to
            (a) build a bridge
            (b) sail the ocean
            (c) lead an army or
            (d) WRITE A PLAY

4.      What religion is the Pope?
            (a) Jewish
            (b) Catholic
            (c) Hindu
            (d) Polish
            (e) Agnostic  (check only one)

5.      Metric conversion.  How many feet in 0.0 meters?

6.      What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
        is on the 5?

7.      How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8.      What are people in America's far north called?
            (a) Westerners
            (b) Southerners
            (c) Northerners
            (d) Easterners

9.      Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton.

10.     Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being
        George the Sixth.  Name the previous five.

11.     Where does rain come from?
            (a) Macy's
            (b) a 7-11
            (c) Canada
            (d) the sky

12.     Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
            (a) yes
            (b) no

13.     What are coat hangers used for?

14.     The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15.     Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
        -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16.     Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17.     Which part of America produces the most oranges?
            (a) New York
            (b) Florida
            (c) Canada
            (d) Wisconsin

18.     Advanced math.  If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

19.     What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

20.     The UNLV tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
            (a) B.C.
            (b) A.D.
            (c) still waiting

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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