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Today's jokes [5.17.13]

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   A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his
   homosexuality and
   decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother
   first; so on his next
   home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying
   herself stirring stew with
   a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had
   realized he was gay.
   Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean,
   homosexual?"
   "Well...yes." Still without looking up:
   "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?"
   Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an
   embarrassed
   affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the
   wooden spoon
   threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about
   my cooking
   again!"
   


1. 




Vicar: Whats that you're doing, Tommy?
Tommy: Sticking bangers up frogs arses, Vicar.
Vicar: Rectum, Tommy.
Tommy: Blows 'em to fucking pieces, Vicar! 

2. 




A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out during
confession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker.
"Oh," says the older priest, "give the altar boy a dollar or so, if you 
feel like it. Personally, I never give them more than fifty cents."

3. 




A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish
Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, "What a Pollack."
The Polish man said, "I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and
asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew."
"Probably, " replied the clerk.
"And if an Italian came in here and asked for spaghetti and meatballs,
would you also insult him?"
"Probably," the clerk again replied.
"Why you're nothing but a bigot. Why do you have to insult everybody not
like you?"
At this, the clerk replied, "Because this is a HARDWARE store, moron."

4. 




Old Chinese proverb:

Rape impossible!
Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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