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Today's jokes [5.13.13]

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Q: What do you get when you cross a Jewish American Princess with a 

A: A computer that never goes down on you. 


What's the difference between condoms and coffins?

They both hold something stiff but one's coming and
one's going!


A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into the
coke machine at a large Vegas casino. She kept
punching the buttons only to have happen what you'd
expect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other,
and change too! 

After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so went
and got more. Back at it she went, blocking the way
to the other vending machines with the mounting pile
of soda. All kinds. It didn't seem to matter to the
young lady. 

People were starting to gather, seeing this beautiful
woman enthusiastically plugging money in like it was
fun. The people were gathering more though waiting their
turn at the machines. 

After watching a while, someone asked from the rear of
the group, 'Hey, how much soda does one blonde need?' 

'Hey back off, buddy,' she retorts, 'can't you see I'm
winning here?' 


   A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms.
   When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.
   The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool
   down there."
   The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or fuck?"


   An older woman was in the pastoral study counceling for her upcoming
   fourth wedding.
   "Father," she said, "How am I going to tell my husband that I am still
   a virgin?" "My
   child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that
   cannot be," he replied.
   "Well Father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted
   to do was talk. The
   next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it
   tomorrow. The last one was
   a gynecologist and all he did was look at it. But this time, Father,
   I'm marrying a lawyer,
   so I'm sure I'm going to get screwed this time!"


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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