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Today's jokes [5.10.13]

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In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young
woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight
leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and
jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get
on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow
her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver
she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking
that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again
she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she
still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again
reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for
a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her
chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped
the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was
unable to make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line
picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on
the step of the bus. 
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero
screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even
know who you are!" 

At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree
with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured that we was friends." 

1. 




Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria.
One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest;
he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends
sitting along the sides.
When the cafeteria was pretty full of people,
he made a loud noise (to attract attention),
stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest.
This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table;
the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid.
I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.



2. 




Q: Why couldn't the blond pass her drivers test? 

A: Every time the car stopped she jumped in the backseat. 

3. 




Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has
to take a shit real bad.
The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down
to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are
occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in
desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and
takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in
the pot and leaves.
Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that
says, "Dear Mr. Jones, All is forgiven. Just tell us...
where is it?" 

4. 




An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed
the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and
get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if
everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one
lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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