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Today's stories [4.28.13]

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Last weekend I was in the grocery store getting a gallon of milk. As a walk up to the check out
line the lady in front of me turns around and says, " You are such a doll, you look almost 
identical to my daughter." Being polite I said thank you and asked the woman if her daughter 
was in college? I woman replied, "No she died about 2 years ago in car accident." I was in 
complete shock; I didn't no what to say. As the woman was handing the clerk her coupons she 
asked me to do a favor for her. I couldn't say no or it would seem too awkward. She asked me 
if I would wave at her and say "by mom." as she was leaving. Feeling very weird, as the lady 
was leaving I said "by mom!" When the clerk rang up my milk he said that will be $65.39. I am 
thinking WHAT?! The clerk said your mom told me you would take the bill for her also. My first 
reaction was to run after the lady. As I was close behind her, maybe a foot, I tripped and 
pulled her leg just like I am pulling yours!! 



WASHINGTON, April 1 (Associated Press)--In the wake of the dismissal of the Paula Jones 
sexual-harassment lawsuit, Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr is focusing his investigation 
on allegations that President Clinton and members of the White House staff regularly drink 
red wine with fish, according to sources close to the investigation. 

The latest allegations arise out of confidential results of tests performed by the FBI Crime 
lab on a dress seized during a search of the Watergate apartment of former White House intern
Monica S. Lewinsky, the sources added. 

After weeks of conflicting reports about the test results, the sources confirmed that they 
"definitely indicate" the presence of tannins "consistent with full-bodied domestic red wines
such as Merlot or Zinfandel." 

If confirmed, the results would contradict earlier White House reports that any red wine
consumed with fish by staffers was "a light Beaujolais Nouveau," a wine some legal experts 
had considered acceptable with steakier fish such as wasabi-crust charcoal-grilled yellow-fin 

"Of course these are only allegations," Sen. John Ashcroft, R-Mo., said in reaction to 
published reports about the course of Starr's investigation. "They are, however, extremely 
serious. I suggest that the President tell the American people the facts, and then step down 
and report to Allenwood Penitentiary until the matter can be fully resolved with the
inauguration of a Republican president." 

White House press secretary Mike McCurry refused comment on the investigation, and privately 
White House staffers dismissed the possibility that the new charges could lead to impeachment 
proceedings. Republican staffers on Capitol Hill, however, insisted that the charges have the 
potential to breathe new life into both the impeachment drive and the independent counsel's 
flagging investigation. 

"We're not talking about some cheesy savings & loan fraud here," one Congressional veteran 
noted. "These charges go to the heart of our foreign policy. Imagine what this will do to 
relations with Britain and France." University of Illinois Law Professor Ronald Rotunda, a 
consultant to Starr's office, said that the legal questions would focus on the appropriateness 
of the specific varietal grape. In addition, he noted that the report of tannins suggested that
"the President has been drinking wine before its time, a statutory offense in California."
Rotunda added that the probe is complicated by allegations of a cover-up. "What did the 
President drink and when did he drink it? And why has the White House resisted disclosure for 
so long?" 

Starr's office had no official comment on the reports today. But sources close to the 
prosecutor confirmed that he had subpoenaed White House wine steward Jacques Clouzeau, 
ordering him to produce records of wines consumed and corresponding menus. 

Today's WASHINGTON POST reported that the White House has told the prosecutor's office that 
some of the menus cannot be found. The missing records apparently relate to wine consumed by 
the First Lady Hillary Clinton. 


On a bumper sticker:

     Keep honking, I'm reloading. 


BONUS! A random story from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

This guy was playing a game of texas holdem poker and had already lost 300 dollars when suddenly he looked down, and just next to the table he sees a little green leprechaun.
"Jus quit playing poker right now and I will give you a million dollars worth in a pot full of gold said the little green gentlemen.
The player replied, sure "just Let me get even first."

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