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Today's stories [4.18.13]

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Colena was telling me about her buddy and *his* girlfriend. 
They were working on a vehicle and using gasoline to clean the 
parts with.  It was a warm day and the gas was sitting in a 
coffee can in the sun and eventually evaporated. Judi 
demanded to know what happened to it. When they told her 
what happened, she asked what eveporation was. So they told 
her it got hot in the sun & made it go away.... Judi's reply... 
"If you put it in the shade, will it come back?"


On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, 
well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next 
to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to 
complain about her seating.

"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the 

"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I 
can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me 
another seat!"

"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The 
flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll 
go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or 
first class".

The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man 
beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding 
passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with 
the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help 
but look at the people around her with a smug and 
self-satisfied grin.

"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've 
spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. 
However, we do have one seat in first class".

Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess 
continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of 
upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission 
from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt 
that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit 
next such an obnoxious person."

With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd 
like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."

At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a 
standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the 
plane . . .


After the birth of her new baby, my cousin brought him to my place for a visit.
While there, she decided to prepare dinner one night and the three of us went
to the grocery store to get the things she needed.  While she was shopping, I
was holding the baby and slowly meandering through the place.  A woman walked
past me, knocked my purse from my shoulder, put her hand on my arm, looked me
in the eye and said, "I'm sorry."  I said it wasn't a problem and we each went
on our way.  When I told my cousin about it she insisted that I had just been
hit by a pickpocket.  I checked and found my wallet and keys were still in my
purse.  It wasn't until at work the next day that I discovered the missing item
-- a sanitary napkin.

Sent by renae


BONUS! A random story from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

This guy was playing a game of texas holdem poker and had already lost 300 dollars when suddenly he looked down, and just next to the table he sees a little green leprechaun.
"Jus quit playing poker right now and I will give you a million dollars worth in a pot full of gold said the little green gentlemen.
The player replied, sure "just Let me get even first."

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