Today's poems [4.2.13]
Vote for the poem that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to poem categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your poem reading.
I'm sure you can't imagine
it's as simple as can be
the place is very private
the players are he and she
She whispers softly it will hurt
of course not he replied
It's just a simple proscess
lay back and close your eyes
She say's I'm rather frightned
I've never done this before
He wanted to continue
it won't hurt much more
It's getting rather painfull
as tears come to her eyes
it's hurting something awful
it must be quite a size
Calm yourself my darling
the pleasure refolds your sin
Now open slightly
so I can fit more in
Suddenly with a jerk
she gave a shout
Now that it's all over with
He slowly pulled it out
*Now if you read this carefully
you will find
it's not what you think
it's just your dirty mind
It is just a visit to the dentist!!!
Sent by Tamara
submitted by mel & nan
There once was a girl from the East
who had a bad case of the yeast
her guy said "pish, pish"
"it smells like dead fish"
"and that's a smell I don't like in the least"
Ode to Alcohol
Starkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the hell you are I think,
I'm not under what they call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,
I'm just a little slort of sheep.
Tee martoonis make a guy
Fool so feelish, don't know why
Rally don't know who's me yet
The drunker I stay the longer I get
So just one more to full my cup,
I've all day sober to Sunday up.
(To The Tune Of Macarena)
Sitting in my house and I know that I'm alona,
Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona,
Go and grab a Penthouse it's the one with Sharon Stona,
I go a little faster and it's feeling kind of nicea,
Once is not enough so I have to do it twicea,
If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea,
I use some baby oil or a little vaselina,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana,
Never shake my hand cos you don't know where its beena,
I do it in the car when I'm driving down the streeta,
One hand on the wheel and the other on my meata,
I can't get out the car cos I'm sticking to the seata,
Since I was a kid I have been a mastubater,
Choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomata,
I've looked at Miss November, now I'm gonna decorata,
Sent by Paul
A daring young maid from Dubuque
Risked a rather decided rebuke
By receiving a prude
In the absolute nude,
But he gasped, "If you only could cook!"
By voting you are helping select today's best poem. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best poems to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's JokesToday's StoriesToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30