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Today's jokes [4.3.13]

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A woman asks: "Why don't men get mad cow disease?"

Another woman replies: "Because men are pigs!"

1. 




A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed:
"Come and bury my wife."

"But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker.

"I got married again," the man sobbed.

"Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."

2. 




Do you know what happens if you don't pay your exorcist?

You get repossessed!

3. 




Why did the chicken cross the road?

- To escape an oppressive military regime.

4. 




Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock 
swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, 
Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?" 

She replied, "no sir!" 

So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, "Did you like that?" 

"Oh, indeed I did, sir!" she replied 

The second man went out to her and asked,"Mermaid, have you ever had your 
breasts fondled?" 

"No sir," she replied. So he set to and fondled and caressed and then 
asked, "How did you like that?" 

She replied," It was most pleasurable, sir." 

The third fellow approached and asked," Mermaid, have you ever been 
fucked?" 

"No sir," she replied. 

He said, "Well you have been now--the tide's gone out!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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