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Today's jokes [4.29.13]

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Did you hear the latest theory about Monica Lewinsky?

It may never be proven but they think she may be the
youngest woman to have ever held the Presidency. 


One day a boy asks his dad,
"What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?" 
Dad thought for a minute and said, "Come with me."
He took his son to his mother's bedroom, where she
was sleeping nude. "Son," he whispered, "see that
brown soft furry patch? That is a pussy." 
The boy asked, "May I touch it to see how soft and
furry it is?" 
"No!" replied his father. "That might wake up the cunt." 


A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the
delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top
of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says
to the doctor, "Are you my dad?". 

The doctor says, "No, I am your doctor!". With that, the baby pops
right back inside. 

"Damn!", says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push
through again. 

"Are you my dad?", asks the baby. 

"No, I am your doctor.", he replies. 

Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother's womb. 

The doctor turns to a nurse and says, "Nurse, get that baby's father
in here right away--we may have a situation on our hands!". Moments
later the baby's father is in the delivery room, and the baby's head
once again pops out. "Are you my dad?", the baby asks of the father. 

The father replies, "Yes, little baby, I am your father!" 

The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead
with his index finger--"How do you like that?" 


What do you call a dog with two balls and no hind legs?



You know you're in a small town.....

-  when you don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going.

-  if you're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local
   merchants because you're the first baby of the year.

-  if you speak to each dog you pass, by name ..... and he wags his tail
   at you

-  if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.

-  when the biggest business in town sells farm machinery.

-  if you write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.

-  if you missed church on Sunday and the preacher sends you a get-well card!


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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