Today's jokes [4.25.13]
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What's the best form of birth control after 50?
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to
stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night.
She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking,
classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,"
remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough
Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a
cork in his ass.
He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"
The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over
a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban
came oozing out. He said, "I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant-um
you one wish."
And I said, "No shit."
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent
a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never
appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him
its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to
wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-
curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached,
they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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