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Today's jokes [4.24.13]

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What occurs twice in a lifetime, but only once in a
year, twice in a week, but never in a day?

The letter "E"

Sent by T. JONES


How do you know if a lesbian is butch?

She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

Sent by Chris


What do you get when you cross a Jehova's witness with a 
business man?

A door to door salesman!

Sent by Jorge


What's the Arkansas state motto?

If you can't keep it in your pants keep it in the family.

Sent by Mike


There is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on
Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will
not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush.  No one wants him to leave.

Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up
and announces, "If the rabbi stays, I'll provide him with
a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a mini
van, to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs, and applauds.

Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor stands and says,
"If the rabbi stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a
foundation to guarantee the college education of his

More sighs and applause.

Old Mrs. Goldfarb, aged 96, stands and announces,
"If the rabbi stays, I offer SEX!!"

There is a hush.  The rabbi, blushing, asks, "Mrs. Goldfarb,
whatever possessed you to say that?"

Mrs. Goldfarb answers, "I just asked Mr. Goldfarb what we
could contribute to make the rabbi stay.  Mr. Goldfarb said,
'Fuck the rabbi.'"


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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