Today's jokes [4.24.13]
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What occurs twice in a lifetime, but only once in a
year, twice in a week, but never in a day?
The letter "E"
Sent by T. JONES
How do you know if a lesbian is butch?
She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Sent by Chris
What do you get when you cross a Jehova's witness with a
A door to door salesman!
Sent by Jorge
What's the Arkansas state motto?
If you can't keep it in your pants keep it in the family.
Sent by Mike
There is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on
Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will
not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger
congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.
Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up
and announces, "If the rabbi stays, I'll provide him with
a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a mini
van, to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs, and applauds.
Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor stands and says,
"If the rabbi stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a
foundation to guarantee the college education of his
More sighs and applause.
Old Mrs. Goldfarb, aged 96, stands and announces,
"If the rabbi stays, I offer SEX!!"
There is a hush. The rabbi, blushing, asks, "Mrs. Goldfarb,
whatever possessed you to say that?"
Mrs. Goldfarb answers, "I just asked Mr. Goldfarb what we
could contribute to make the rabbi stay. Mr. Goldfarb said,
'Fuck the rabbi.'"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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