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Today's jokes [4.16.13]

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A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what  the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl
replied,  "They will in a minute."

1. 




A Second Opinion

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for
help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him
put his dog down on the examination table.  The vet examines the
still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his
dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not
willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts
the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and
finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and
says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks
your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and
asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for
my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan
and lab tests."

2. 




Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and G
are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what
the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs...
{B} - Barely there.
{C} - Can't Complain!
{D} - Damn!
{DD} - Double damn!
{E} - Enormous!
{G} - GEEEEzus Christ!
{F} - Fake.

3. 




Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her 
constipation.
"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half- hour
in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."

4. 




A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes 
to the right and one drive goes to the left.
The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups.  She grabs a club and 
takes a mighty swing at the ball.  She hits a beautiful second shot, but 
in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf 
bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the 
way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand 
the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically 
ill to the point of total nausea."
The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband "Hey, where's your ball?"
"It's over here in the pussy willows."
The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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