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Today's jokes [4.14.13]

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Any married man should forget his mistakes,
there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.


An honest 7-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown
had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother.

"It wasn't easy," admitted her daughter, "but three girls helped me
catch him.


In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a stunningly beautiful young 
woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black 
leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus 
rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that 
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the 
bus' first step. 

So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she 
reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this 
would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the 
step onto the bus only to discover she still could not make the step. 

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and 
unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the 
step and once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg 
because of the tight skirt. 

So, with a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the 
offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make 
the step. 

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her 
up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. 
The pretty young woman went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, 
screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who 
you are!!!!" 

At this the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you 
but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind a figured that we was 


There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman and they
lived in Honolulu. The poor lady was not very proficient in English,
but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose 
whenever she had to shop for groceries. 

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't
know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her 
skirt to show her thighs.  The butcher got the message and the lady went 
home with pork legs. 

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know 
how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her 
breast. The lady got what she wanted. 

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way
to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store... 

What were you thinking? Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!


I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.

So I said "Implants?"


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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