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Today's jokes [4.1.13]

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Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like 
forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. 
Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you taking 
so long to make this shot?"

"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make 
this shot a good one," said Bob.

"Good Lord," said David, "you haven't got a chance of hitting her from 
here."

1. 




I'll never forget the first time I saw my husband, He was standing on a 
hill, his hair blowing in the breeze, and he too proud to run after it.

2. 




What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? 

Eveybody can roast beef.

3. 




There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful 
teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son 
they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally 
became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine 
months later. 

The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He 
took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever 
seen. 
 
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be 
the father of that child. 

 
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her 
a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" 

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time"! 

4. 




The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, 
and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the 
array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him.

"Do you have something in mind?" she asked.

"I certainly do, ma'am," the American emphatically replied.
"That's why I want a nice gift."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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