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Today's stories [3.6.13]

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Subject: If You Gotta Go, Start Early

This story is about a rather strange reply for a 
campground reservation. It is said to be true, 
but you be the judge.

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, 
and elegant - especially in her language - was 
planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote 
to a particular campground and asked for a 
reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully 
equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about 
the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring 
herself to write the word 'TOILET' in her letter. 
After much deliberation, she finally came up with 
the old-fashioned term 'BATHROOM COMMODE.' But 
when she wrote that down, she still thought she 
was being too forward. So, she started all over 
again, rewrote the letter and referred to the 
bathroom commode merely as the B.C. 'Does the 
campground have it's own B.C.?' is what she 
actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at 
all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't 
figure out what the woman was talking about. That 
B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the 
letter to several campers, but they couldn't 
imagine what the lady meant either. So the 
campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion 
that the lady must be asking about the location of 
the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the 
following reply:
'Dear Madam: I regret very much for the delay in 
answering your letter. I now take the pleasure in 
informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles 
north of the campground and is capable of seating 
250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a 
distance away if you are in the habit of going 
regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to 
know that a great number of people usually take 
their lunches along and make a day of it. They 
usually arrive early and stay late.'
'The last time my wife and I went was six years 
ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up 
the whole time we were there. It may interest you 
to know that right now, there is a supper being 
planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're 
going to hold it in the basement of the B.C.'
'I would like to say it pains me very much not to 
be able to go more regularly but it is sure no 
lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it 
seems to be more of an effort, particularly in 
cold weather.'
'If you do decide to come down to our campground, 
perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, 
sit with you, and introduce you to all the other 
folks.'
'Remember, this is a friendly community.'

1. 




In The Oregonian, a Meier and Frank department store
advertisement for women's bras and panties reads:

     The perfect gift for that special woman in your life,
     or great to keep for yourself. 

2. 




    The following are actual stories told by travellers from
   Mendocino County, CA to travel agents in the UK. (And you wonder why
   US citizens generally score less than the rest of the world on
   geography...)
   A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was
   wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
   ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since
   Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. >
   I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
   A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
   over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to
   California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
   I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to
   explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she
   interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid but
   Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like
   the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts,
   Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
   A secretary called in looking for hotel in Los Angeles. She gave me
   various names off a list, none of which I could find I finally had her
   fax me the list. To my surprise, it was a list of hotels in New
   Orleans, Louisiana. She thought the LA stood for Los Angeles, and that
   New Orleans was a suburb of LA Worst of all, when I called her back,
   she was not even embarrassed.
   I got a call from a man who asked, "is it possible to see England from
   Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."
   Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I
   pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a one-hour lay-over in
   Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I
   heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the
   gates to save time."
   A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that
   her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.
   I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but
   she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her
   the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
   A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description
   on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No,
   why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the
   airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
   overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a
   minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing), I came back
   and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline
   was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
   I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
   plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he
   replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes
   have numbers on them."
   A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those
   computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
   commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
   A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed
   in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports,
   I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China
   many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and
   sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said,
   "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted
   my American Express."


  

3. 



BONUS! A random story from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




This guy was playing a game of texas holdem poker and had already lost 300 dollars when suddenly he looked down, and just next to the table he sees a little green leprechaun.
"Jus quit playing poker right now and I will give you a million dollars worth in a pot full of gold said the little green gentlemen.
The player replied, sure "just Let me get even first."


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